What does Jesus say about divorce?

Q:  I grew up in church and was even baptized at age 9. I never understood what a relationship with Jesus really was. I stayed in church through high school (for the social life) but did not live a Christian lifestyle. I got into alcohol and pornography and sexual addictions. I got married and destroyed the marriage as a result. I never did anything to fix it. Later I remarried but was the same adulterous person. Then one day my second wife (whose husband left her) and I walked the aisle together and committed our lives to Christ. We finally understood what it meant to know Him as Lord and serve him, and we have taught our children to do the same. I sat down with my first wife (who is also remarried) and explained to her why I did what I did, and I told her how sorry I was and that it was no fault of her own. She has forgiven me.

Recently I encountered a pastor who said that according to the teaching of Jesus, my second wife and I are living in adultery and will go to hell unless we get a divorce and live alone. I spent my whole life always doing the wrong thing, and now I want to do the right thing. I hate divorce and never want to do it again, but I don’t want to go to hell either. My wife and I are both very involved in ministry at our church, but this pastor says that God doesn’t pay any attention to what we do for Him because we are lost. Can there be any truth to this? Can I know for sure that God will bless our relationship? Sorry this is so long. I am just hoping for some peace.

A: We would have to say that the pastor you encountered has given you wrong advice. We must be careful about saying this because we respect pastors. They are called to ministry, and we are to pray for them and consider their advice. But from what you have told us, you are doing what is right, and the pastor is out of line.

First, you are not going to hell. This is utterly ridiculous and a complete misinterpretation of scripture. If you have put your trust in Christ as your personal Savior, you are saved and sealed by the Holy Spirit. You belong to Christ, and He has promised a place for you in heaven. Nothing can separate you or your wife from His love (Romans 8: 38).

As for your life before Christ, your story is not unusual. Just because you grew up in the church and were baptized does not necessarily mean you are saved. Going to church doesn’t save you. Being baptized doesn’t save you. Only Jesus can save you, and He did when you and your wife walked the aisle and committed your life to Christ.

Now, it’s true that God hates divorce, but that doesn’t mean it condemns you to hell. Sin is what condemns us to hell, but when we receive Christ as Lord and Savior, that penalty is paid. There is no condemnation for those who are in Christ (Romans 8: 1).

The reason God hates divorce is because of what it does to marriage. In your case, the problems you described happened before you were a believer. That doesn’t make them right, but it does put your situation into a different context. Many people have been in your situation, where your life was characterized by sin before you became a Christian. In an ideal world, it would be great to go back and fix your past, but that’s not possible. Your past has passed. God has forgiven you. We admire you for going back and asking forgiveness of your first wife, and we admire her for forgiving you. That is exactly what God wants you to do. But you can’t divorce your current wife and live alone in order to fix the first problem. That is utterly ridiculous and wrong advice.

Yes, Jesus does teach about divorce (Matthew 19:9). He said that divorce is not permissible except for unfaithfulness. This does not mean that divorce should automatically occur when a spouse commits adultery. According to The Handbook of Bible Application, the word translated “unfaithfulness” implies a sexually immoral lifestyle, not a confessed and repented act of adultery. Those who discover that their partner has been unfaithful should first make every effort to forgive, reconcile, and restore their relationship. We are always to look for reasons to restore the marriage relationship rather than for excuses to leave it.

But that isn’t always possible, and in your case, you weren’t yet a believer. So, your divorce, while detestable to God, is not the unforgivable sin. And God certainly does not want you to divorce again.

From what you have told us, you and your wife are doing the right thing. You are doing what God wants you to do. Keep growing in your relationship with Him by getting to know Him better and better through His word, through a church that teaches the Bible correctly, through prayer, and through your association with other growing Christians. The road won’t always be smooth, but God will lead you as you trust him.

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Relevant Scripture

For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. (Romans 8: 38-39)

It has been said, ‘Anyone who divorces his wife must give her a certificate of divorce. But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, makes her the victim of adultery, and anyone who marries a divorced woman commits adultery. (Matthew 5: 31-32)

There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus (Romans 8: 1)

And I tell you that whoever divorces his wife for any reason except her unfaithfulness, and marries another woman, commits adultery. (Matthew 19:9) Weymouth New Testament

Reference

Bible Answers 101 by Bickel & Jantz