Jesus child walk away in forest

God Wouldn’t Want Someone Like Me / Spiritual Meditations

In all my years of ministry, it might be one of the hardest conversations that I’ve ever had with someone. A family member called me up early one morning (about 2 am) saying, “I think it’s my mother’s time.” After jumping in the shower so I could at least be presentable, I rushed the three or four blocks up the road with some sliced up whole wheat bread from our personal breadbox and some cranapple juice we had in the fridge so that I could administer “Methodist last rites” as requested by the person on the phone.

Walking into the living room felt like walking into a funeral home parlor. The mood was so somber that I guessed the person passing would be very young. A man approached me and led toward the stairs. I’d never seen him before in my life – to this day I don’t know how he got my phone number. “Mom never went to church that we know of” he said. “None of us do. We didn’t know who to call, but she started…. seeing things. She won’t drink, she won’t eat, and she started saying, ‘Just take me Jesus.’ I didn’t even know she thought twice about Jesus. So, we called you.”

Ever since that night, I have thought myself unbelievably lucky and blessed that, for whatever reason, this family reached out to me; a 23-year old, second year in solo ministry, new father and seminary student to attend at this woman’s bedside. For over a decade now, this one circumstance has shaped my understanding of the deep need and desire of individuals in their last days on earth.

Walking up the stairs of this house for the first and only time, the smell and the screaming were something terrible. I felt as if I had been transported into the middle of the film “The Exorcist” or something. What awaited me up there?

When I turned the corner, I saw her. Frail as could be, white as a sheet, curled up into a ball yet somehow sitting erect in her bed, wishing for death, and in absolute agony. As lovingly as I could muster, I walked towards her, placed a hand on her back and introduced myself, “I’m Pastor Nathan from the church down the street. Your family has called me here. They say you’ve seen Jesus and are ready to go.” She looked me in the eyes and said something I’ll never forget, “I saw HIM. He was standing there with my mother. I never knew He was real. I…. AM…. SO…. SCARED.” I looked at her with love and tears in my eyes and asked, “why are you scared if you think he’s here for you?” And the tears began to stream down her face as she entered into a coughing fit.

Her daughter, who was sitting near, said, “Well, mom has never believed. She always said she was an agnostic, but that’s probably because she didn’t want to just say she was an atheist. She always disliked Christians generally. She had me before she was married when it was socially unacceptable. She was married four times and had four divorces. She spent all her money quickly, and then in retirement had to move in with us. She doesn’t have a penny to her name and recently she was telling me that she didn’t think she was a very good person or mother. Now that she ‘saw’ something, she’s afraid of death.”

Who are the “Good” and the “Bad”?

This experience profoundly shaped how I understand the basic needs of most of us in this world, especially when it comes to the spiritual. Generally speaking, I think we fall into two categories as individuals.

  • Either we believe we are good people and so something good must be waiting for us after this life
  • Or We think we are not great people and we don’t think about what’s waiting for us or we don’t WANT to think about it.

The truth is, however, as we read the Hebrew Scriptures of the Old Testament, we understand that while we might have all started out OK, something along the way has become fundamentally broken in us. Most self-thought “good people” tend to spend most of their lives actively fixing what is broken or ignoring the brokenness of the world believing that they won’t be impacted by it – leaving them whole and good.

When we read the New Testament, we see these attitudes strikingly on display. In the stories of Jesus, we see self-thought good people – Pharisees, Sadducees, scribes, religious leaders – who talked about their religious piety and constantly criticized Jesus and the disciples for attending to the broken underbelly of the world. Their criticism was simple – if you’re a good, righteous, holy person then you can’t possibly associate with the broken, unholy, and unrighteous people.

Jesus and the Leper

In Leviticus 13:45-46, we get a glimpse of why the stories of Jesus and lepers, caused such a fuss among the religious elite,

“Anyone with such a defiling disease must wear torn clothes, let their hair be unkempt, cover the lower part of their face and cry out, ‘Unclean! Unclean!’ As long as they have the disease, they remain unclean. They must live alone; they must live outside the camp.”

Anyone who the priests considered to be “unclean,” were thought to have been made that way as a punishment from God. Therefore, when Jesus related to them, even reaching out and touching them, He was associating with them and crossing the boundary set up in the minds of “good people”. That is just something you didn’t do in the Middle Eastern, Judeo worldview of Jesus’ day. If people were broken, in ill health, and suffering it was because of something bad they had done – in other words, they were “bad people.” To be a “good person” one must not associate with them.

Have things changed at all in our day? Don’t we still have a strong cultural current that says if someone is suffering it’s because they don’t work hard enough; if someone suffers from a mental illness it is because they are thinking wrong; diseases and even plagues are judgments from God? Certainly, we understand this view, even if many of us don’t subscribe to it in whole or in part. Yet the woman I met that night in the bed felt her death would be painful and she was awaiting her punishment, not because she cast herself in such a bad light, but because she had been told that everything she did was wrong. Yet at the last, as she was catching glimpses of the truth of Jesus, she wanted something different for herself. She wanted to be able to reach out and touch him. She wanted to be able to be with Him and NOT be afraid of Him. Is the scripture below so very different?

When Jesus had come down from the mountain, great crowds followed him; and there was a leper who came to him and knelt before him, saying, “Lord, if you choose, you can make me clean.” He stretched out his hand and touched him, saying, “I do choose. Be made clean!” Immediately his leprosy was cleansed. Then Jesus said to him, “See that you say nothing to anyone; but go, show yourself to the priest, and offer the gift that Moses commanded, as a testimony to them.” (Matthew 8:1-4)

This person came to Jesus as “unclean, unclean,” and approached Jesus through a crowd just as Jesus had come down from the mountaintop to teach the crowd and disciples about the shape and character of His ministry and what His disciples should do. This person could have suffered from any number of skin diseases because back then leprosy wasn’t exclusively what we think of it, in fact it may have been merely a case of psoriasis. This person had been confined to the underbelly of society. Is he so different from any of us? If we understand the fundamental truth that none of us are “good people” and we are all in need of a savior to do what we cannot do for ourselves, then can we not see ourselves in this man? And is this man not even further along than many of us because he recognizes his own need?

Jesus’ Earthly Ministry to the Broken

I’ve built this up long enough, let me share with you what this scripture passage is really all about and why it matters. We have here in these four verses, an entire shorthand for the Scriptures and the Gospel message of Jesus Christ. It begins with Jesus coming down from the mountain. The wording here parallels Moses coming down from Mt. Sinai after receiving the commandments directly from God. It also intentionally recalls God, in Jesus, coming down to earth and encountering the brokenness of humanity as typified in this leper.

God in Jesus had come to earth not to go to those who think of themselves as “good people” but to be with those who were ostracized, marginalized, felt penalized, and had been victimized by the brokenness and fallenness of this world. Jesus didn’t spend much time healing or ministering with the Herods, the Pilates, the Ceasars, the Pharisees, of this world. Only when people approach HIM with an acknowledgement of their own brokenness, of our own brokenness, can Jesus truly get to work. And this man, this leper did exactly that.

God, in Jesus, came down to this world to be in ministry and mission to the broken and acknowledging needy of this place. This leper approached him and cried out, “Lord, if you choose, you can make me clean.” Now, imagine that scene. This leper, this outcast, this less than a person in many people’s eyes, approached Jesus, through the crowd of “good people” coming down off the mountain with Jesus. Imagine how that sea of humanity might have parted in front of him as all of those “good people” got out of his way, casting a wide berth so that whatever punishment of God had fallen on this man would not fall on them. And he approached Jesus with something that looked a bit like faith, did he not? He didn’t approach Jesus with a question, “can you heal me?” or even “would you consider it?” He didn’t approach Jesus with a doubt, “I heard you might be able to do something.” NO, he approaches with what looks like a confession, “if you choose, you CAN make me clean.” It was a bold statement from someone we never hear from again in the story. It was a bold statement about who Jesus is – to this man, Jesus is Lord. The Lord who CAN do something. The Lord who at the strength of His word or grace of His hand can reach out and effect the situation.

The Living Dead

Did you know that lepers were known in the Bible as “living dead?” In 2 Kings in the story of the healing of Naaman the leper, we read that the king of Israel declared that all humanity is powerless over leprosy and that to heal Naaman would be like “[bringing him] back to life?” Yes, lepers were the walking dead, and here was the walking dead crying out to Jesus for what? For healing? Or for life? This one who the world considered dead cried out to Jesus not just for a skin healing, but to be raised to life! And the way it’s phrased, “if you choose, you can make me clean” is an early confession that points to the Easter truth that Jesus is the Lord of life and death! Jesus, yes, this Jesus, CAN bring the dead to life – but it only works for those who know they need it. In this man’s quest for healing and resurrection, he had placed the entire onus of this healing, restoration, and resurrection not in his own power and will, but in the hands of Jesus.

God Wouldn’t Want Someone Like Me

We have to this point the image of Jesus coming down from the mountain, God stepping out of heaven, into a world where many believe themselves to be good, but one person has come up to Jesus with the confession of His own brokenness and the confession that only Jesus, God, the Lord, has the power to save, if He wills. And I think back to that bedside and that conversation with that woman who had come to the end of her days and faced the realization of who she felt she had been and decided that she wanted a different ending to her story and, in the last moments, when she had come face to face with Jesus, didn’t know what to do. So, someone was called to step in and help her find the path. And her question for me was never going to be “how can I be saved” or “how can I have eternity”. It was always going to be the question that resonates deep inside of every single one of us, “Does God, does Jesus even want me???” The leper said, “if you choose.” This gave God, this gave Jesus who contained and assumed the power of God, the ability to choose this person’s fate. The question the leper was asking went like this, “I know you can, but do you even want me, Jesus?!” And isn’t this the question that burns in your heart? And isn’t this the question that burns in the heart of the world? And isn’t this the question that arises from those who are lost, and hungry, and hurting, and in need of healing, and broken? Isn’t this the question and the pain and agony of existence rolled into one that we hear repeated over and over, “God, do you even want me?” Or putting it in the negative which we hear too often, “God wouldn’t WANT someone like me!” And on this woman’s deathbed was her question and confession. “Why has Jesus come for me? What would he want with me? He wouldn’t CHOOSE me! He’s not here for me! Is he?”

Yet we have in this story of this nameless, faceless leper at the foot of the mountain making confession and plea to Jesus, the answer all of us wait to hear. The one that our hearts hope to receive. We have the words of Jesus and the response that the world groans and longs for each moment of each torturous hour, when Jesus reaches back out to the man and says, “I do choose. Be made clean!”

We hear these words echo down through the ages when we listen for them. We feel them in our hearts in a new and vibrant way if we wait for them and long for them. Wherever we are and whatever circumstance we find ourselves trapped in or victimized by, however sin has manifested itself in our lives, however we have experienced our separation from God or from others. WE, WE TOO, can hear these words spoken through this text to us, into our lives and hearts today, “I do choose!” We can shout these words of assurance that “I, yes, even I have been chosen by God”. We hear these words of Jesus echo throughout this scripture into eternity to each of us saying “I. Choose. You.”

Jesus Christ Chooses You

The words I shared with that woman whose family had called me to be there before she took her last breath were these from Ephesians 1:4 “God chose us to be in a relationship with Him even before He laid out plans for this world.” In a different translation “For he chose us in him before the creation of the world.” And it didn’t matter to God, to Jesus, that she had waited her whole life before realizing that she was included in God’s heart and in God’s plan; that Jesus was there for her; that she was loved by Him; that He did choose her.

And for the first time since she was a little child in her mother’s church, she received communion that evening with a little sliver of bread from my kitchen. As it rolled around in her mouth, she did her absolute best to choke down the cranapple juice that stood in for the blood of Christ, even though her body wanted to violently reject it – she wanted it for the first time. She wanted to make that confession. She wanted to say that prayer. And she laid there and said, “I do believe, Jesus. I know you can do something.” And she wretched and she wasted, but she was also overcome by – peace.

I can’t tell you that there was a physical miracle that occurred, and she returned to health and lived many more years. I can tell you peace came over her that night and after she passed away a week later, her family told me that the last week of her life was the most peaceful and joyful they had ever experienced with her. That the pain had gone, the violent thrashing had gone, and when her time came, she “went with Jesus with a smile.” I believe that her peace came from knowing that God and Jesus Christ chose her.

Conclusion

John Wesley had an experience we call the Aldersgate experience because it happened at a meeting on Aldersgate street. He wrote in his journal about that evening and the power it had over him and how it set the course for his ministry, “I felt I did trust in Christ, Christ alone, for salvation; and an assurance was given me that he had taken away my sins, even mine, and saved me from the law of sin and death.” We can hear this story time and time again, through the leper, through Wesley, in the course of our lives, and from this woman. Yet what matters is this – do you know? Do you know and believe and trust that yes, Jesus is saying “I. Choose You.”?

Written by Rev. Nathan W. Carlson

EKG spelling love

What’s Hiding Behind Generosity? / Spiritual Meditations

Psychologists advise us that generosity provides numerous benefits, not only for others, but for ourselves.

How Generosity Improves Our Lives

A 10-year research study of 2700 people done by the University of Michigan revealed that the positive effects of generosity include improving one’s mental and physical health and promoting longevity.   Researchers found that men who did regular volunteer work had death rates two-and-one half times lower than men who didn’t. Generosity reduces stress, supports one’s immune system and enhances one’s sense of purpose.

In an article for Psychology Today, Lisa Firestone Ph.D.  tells us that “generosity is a natural confidence builder and a natural repellent of self-hatred. People who battle depression have been shown to benefit from volunteering, as it gives them a sense of value and purpose, while placing them in a social environment.”

Though we may fail to see a downside to living an altruistic life, and readily applaud acts of generosity in others, many of us fail to allow others to be generous to us. Those of us who have been taught to give without asking for anything in return, feel ashamed or embarrassed at being given a hand. However, accepting from others allows them the opportunity to experience the aforementioned benefits. It’s truly the give and take that brings us our greatest sense of joy.

What Constitutes Generosity?

You may be familiar with the following Bible verse.

When you give to someone in need, don’t do as the hypocrites do—blowing trumpets in the synagogues and streets to call attention to their acts of charity! I tell you the truth, they have received all the reward they will ever get.  But when you give to someone in need, don’t let your left hand know what your right hand is doing. Give your gifts in private, and your Father, who sees everything, will reward you. (Matt 6:2-4)

As you read it, do you first think of the ‘gift’ as money? The word ‘alms’, which is used in many Bible versions of this verse, is also defined as food given to poor people with synonyms that are, for the most part, indicating the giving of something concrete, like a handout or contribution. And this was the direction of my earlier thinking because the synagogues were notorious recipients of monetary contributions and because ‘charity’ is typically thought of as money or goods.

Yet generosity also includes kindness, hospitality and service to others; acts that everyone has the resources to provide. My Hebrew language advisor, Dr. Frank Leeds III, tell me that

“The giving of Alms is rooted in the Hebrew word Hesed.  Hesed is translated scores of different ways with the accent not on what is given but rather what flows from a loving heart …which is also the key characteristic of God.”

What Flows from a Loving Heart?

Service to Others Flows from a Loving Heart

Mother Teresa was a shining example of a giver of ‘hesed’.

“In determining which work would be done, there was no planning at all”, she said. “I headed the work in accordance with how I felt called by the people’s sufferings. God made me see what He wanted me to do.”

Her ability to ‘see’ was one of her gifts from God. Paul tells us that the Holy Spirit gives every believer a spiritual gift that he chooses for them. He explains:” A spiritual gift is given to each of us so we can help each other.“ (I Cor 12:7) There are different ways of serving, but the same Lord is served. There are different abilities to perform service, but the same God gives ability to all for their particular service. So, these gifts are much more varied than any list you will find in the Bible and we each have at least one that we can use to serve.

Mother Teresa also expressed that

“Whoever the poorest of the poor are, they are Christ for us. -Christ under the guise of human suffering. The Missionaries of Charity (her convent) are firmly convinced that each time we offer help to the poor, we are offering help to Christ. The work is nothing but a means to express our love for him.” Then she said “let us not be satisfied just by giving money. Money is not everything. The poor need the work of our hands, the love of our hearts. Love, and abundant love, is the expression of our Christian religion. “

This attitude is based on Matt 25:31-40, where Jesus tells the disciples about the future separation of the righteous and unrighteous.

“But when the Son of Man comes in His glory, and all the angels with Him, then He will sit on His glorious throne.  All the nations will be gathered before Him; and He will separate them from one another, as the shepherd separates the sheep from the goats;  and He will put the sheep on His right, and the goats on the left. Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world.  For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in,  I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.’

 “Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink?  When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you?  When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’

 “The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’

Jesus claimed His acts of service channeled the loving acts of service of His Father and the acts themselves were proof of this claim. Healing the sick, giving sight to the blind, calming the storm, raising the dead, casting out demons, and dying on the cross are some.

Jesus said “I am in the Father and the Father is in me “.   Likewise, Christ will recognize those who are in him and in whom he is. Jesus’s acts of service were evidence that he was the Son of God, just as we are sons and daughters of God, sisters and brothers of Christ, also evidenced by our acts of loving service.

Hospitality Flows from a Loving Heart

Generosity also includes hospitality which is more than a simple welcome or an offer of food or drink. Hospitality is an attitude of a loving heart that opens us to the enrichment of new ways of thinking and living that are brought to us by others. It is to receive them on their own terms by offering friendship without binding the guest and freedom without leaving them alone.

Hospitality implies attentiveness to others and to the needs of others, even anticipating their needs. Often our lack of hospitality is simply the failure to notice and acknowledge others and their needs—both the needs of the larger world and the needs of those closest to us. Jesus models that attentiveness; He noticed the sick, the excluded, the hungry, and those that others passed by.

Kindness Flows from a Loving Heart

If you live in a busy world, kindness is a form of generosity that is hard to find. It is being gentle, thoughtful, helpful, and forgiving at times when it would be easy to be angry. Your level of kindness surfaces when the sheer inconvenience of a situation would seem to justify non-involvement. Kindness much prefers considerateness to anger, and leaps enthusiastically over the barriers of inconvenience.

Kindness is being gentle, thoughtful, helpful, and forgiving at times when it would be easy to be angry.

It is only too evident that Christians should be ambassadors of kindness. As the Apostle Paul advises in Ephesians 4:31: “Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, with all malice, and be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.”

But kindness is not exclusively Christian. The Roman emperor Marcus Aurelius understood the personal as well as the social benefits of kindness. “Ask thyself daily,” he wrote, “to how many ill-minded persons thou hast shown a kind disposition.”

The expressions of kindness may be simple and undramatic. The results, however, can be decisive and most dramatic. A young man, named Mark, was trying to negotiate his way home one day with his arms full of paraphernalia he had just taken from his high school locker. The inevitable happened. He tripped. Suddenly his precious cargo was no longer in his arms but scattered on the sidewalk. A Good Samaritan bystander, a student from the same high school, stopped and helped his distraught neighbor. A small act of kindness, undramatic and unpretentious. A conversation ensued and, before very long, a friendship developed.

In time, Mark explained to his friend that the reason he cleaned out his locker was because he did not want to leave a mess behind for someone else. He had saved up enough of his mother’s sleeping pills to put himself to sleep permanently. He was going home to kill himself when an act of unexpected kindness gave his plans and his life a new direction. Kindness, truly, can save lives

Conclusion

A generous heart knows no bounds. Our ability to give to others is not limited to money, for there is often a greater appreciation for your kindness, hospitality and service particular to the need, which is often unexpectedly presented. We must prepare our hearts to allow a spontaneous loving flow. This can be done by meditating on the spiritual truths found in scripture and putting them into practice. All that we have been given by God drastically outweighs the time, talents and virtue we give to Him in service.

Relevant Quotes

Attention is the rarest and purest form of generosity. —Simone Weil

If you can’t feed a hundred people, then just feed one. —Mother Teresa

Do all the good you can, by all the means you can, in all the ways you can, in all the places you can, at all the times you can, to all the people you can, as long as ever you can. – John Wesley

If you want to be great, you must be the servant of all the others. And if you want to be first, you must be the slave of the rest. For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve others and to give his life as a ransom for many. (Matt 20:26-27)

Do not let kindness and truth leave you; Bind them around your neck, Write them on the tablet of your heart. (Prov 3:3)

The natives showed us extraordinary kindness; for because of the rain that had set in and because of the cold, they kindled a fire and received us all. (Acts 28:2)

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law. (Gal 5:22-23)

Do not neglect to show hospitality to strangers, for by this some have entertained angels without knowing it. (Heb 13:2)

References:

The Love Languages of God by Gary Chapman

“Generosity-What’s in It for You” a Psychology Today article by Lisa Firestone PhD

Putting on the Heart of Christ by Gerald M. Fagin, SJ

“Virtue of Kindness” – Dr. Donald Demarco

stain glass representation of jesus washing disciples feet

Unlock Your Leadership Trait-Humility/Spiritual Meditations

Modern science endorses the virtues underscored by scripture as beneficial; spiritually, emotionally and financially.

The Bible suggests we develop in ourselves the characteristics of gratitude, patience, humility and others. It tells us that these are traits through which we express love for our fellow man and for ourselves. Modern psychology backs this up with more specific details on how and why our lives are improved by cultivating these attributes, thus showing that the inspired biblical texts written thousands of years ago are relevant today.

Jesus’ most notable lessons in humility and serving others were his acts and words when he washed the disciples’ feet before he was arrested. “So, if I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another’s feet.  For I have set you an example, that you also should do as I have done to you.”

So, I ask myself “Am I that humble?” Our self-evaluation is rarely what the world sees, so how would I know? And then I wonder if it is possible for people who are striving for excellence, or have reached excellence, to be humble. What do you think? Here is what the experts say.

What Humility Isn’t

Karl Albrecht Ph.D. in his Jan 2015 article in Psychology Today tells us what humility isn’t.

  • It’s not letting others “push you around.”
  • It’s not being a doormat, a sucker, or letting people “walk all over you.”
  • It’s not constantly sacrificing your interests to those of others (and then feeling like a victim or a martyr).
  • It’s not avoiding conflict or confrontation – not of your making, anyway – for the sake of “being nice.”
  • It’s not about hiding your feelings or suppressing your views to avoid alienating others.

What Humility Is

True humility is not thinking less of yourself; it is thinking of yourself less”- C. S. Lewis

Psychologically speaking, it is defined as a psycho-social orientation characterized by 1) a sense of emotional autonomy, and 2) freedom from the control by the “competitive reflex.” Sounds healthy.

It is about emotional neutrality. It involves an experience of growth in which you no longer need to put yourself above others, but you don’t put yourself below them, either. Everyone is your peer – from the most “important” person to the least. You’re just as valuable as every other human being on the planet, no more and no less. It’s about behaving and reacting from purposefulness, not emotions. You learn to simply disconnect or de-program the “competitive reflex” because it is not productive.

Therefore, humility is both a matter of self-restraint and a matter of self-esteem. The greater your sense of self-worth, the easier it is to appreciate others, to praise them, and to encourage them.  It is also easier to be understanding and overlook minor infractions.

Competitive Reflex Self Diagnostic Test Questions

So how do we tell if we are humble? How often do we let our competitive reflex take over? Dr. Albrecht proposes some questions you can ask yourself to determine your level of humility.

  • Do you offer unsolicited advice to others about how to live their lives better?
  • Do you “damn with faint praise” when somebody shares their new idea or new discovery about life?
  • If someone tells a joke, do you feel compelled to top it with a better one? Or, do you hold back on laughing, so the joke falls flat?
  • Do you always have a better story, a better example, a better suggestion, or a better solution?
  • Do you feel compelled to demonstrate how smart you are, or how much you know?
  • Are you a back-seat driver?
  • Do you like to tell people how to raise their kids better?
  • Do you lecture or preach to others?
  • When someone says something that’s mistaken or misinformed, how do you react?
  • If you have a different opinion, do you precipitate a win-lose debate, or do you show respect for the other person’s view as you’re sharing your own?
  • Are you angry when receiving criticism from others?
  • Are you skeptical of others and convinced that you know better than everybody else what needs to be done?

How did you do? If not too well, here are some reasons to consider taking on a remodeling project to increase your humility.

Advantages of Humility

A recent set of studies show that humility is a consistent predictor of generosity. People who are humble tend to be more generous with both their time and their money and are, therefore, generally considered to be more valuable members of society. People see humble individuals as well-adjusted and kind. Humble people have better social relationships, avoid deception in their social interactions, and they tend to be forgiving, grateful, and cooperative. 

Humility has been linked with better academic performance, job performance, and excellence in leadership said Michael W. Austin Ph.D. in a Jun 2012 article in Psychology Today.

Empirical evidence seems to show that humility can advance one’s fortune in the world, as it is a distinguishing trait of CEO’s of successful organizations. Humble leaders are honest about both their strengths and limitations. They are confident without being conceited; open-minded without being obstinate; and supportive without being submissive.

As leaders, we often regard admitting mistakes as a sign of weakness. In truth, it’s an admirable act of grace, generosity and gumption.

Accepting that you did something wrong or that you don’t know everything, relinquishes ego for the sake of personal development and business growth. Asking for help not only displays a willingness to learn but empowers others to shine. Moreover, it builds trust. Acknowledging a slipup today prevents it from swelling into an insurmountable challenge tomorrow.

As the great Jim Collins said, “The X-factor of great leadership is not personality, it is humility.”

Can You Strive for Excellence and Still be Humble?

Is it wrong to try to win at bridge, or improve your tennis game, or work to get ahead in your workplace? Of course not – those are parts of a separate dimension of your life where your talents and abilities become evident. Humility is a matter of social intelligence and building relationships, which involve inviting people to move with and toward you, instead of away and against you.

The Apostle Paul was a great example of a leader with humility. He was unwavering in his efforts to spread Christ’s message, yet encouraged Christ’s followers to be as humble as he was.

Regarding his work he wrote:

Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended: but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before, I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus.(Phil 3:13-14)

And about humility, he wrote:

Therefore if you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any common sharing in the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and of one mind.  Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, (Phil 2:1-3)

Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. (Col 3:12)

Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. (Eph 4:2)

 Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud but be willing to associate with people of low position.  Do not be conceited. (Rom 12:16)

Mark Leary Ph.D. (in a December 2019 article in Psychology Today) gives a modern day example of success with humility: A renowned actor may know that he is exceptionally skilled, have a highly successful career, receive many awards, and be adored by millions of fans but not believe that he should be treated special overall, as a person, because of his exceptional ability and accomplishments.

The phrase “as a person” is critical here. In certain areas of life, people who perform at a high level or who have exceptionally positive characteristics deserve special attention, respect, deference, rewards, and privileges — in the domain in which their accomplishments or characteristics are relevant. For example, the best athletes should be given more playing time than less skilled players, accomplished scientists may deserve higher grant funding, the best actors and authors are entitled to more recognition, and the best employees are entitled to higher salaries, better offices, or other perks.

In Leary’s study he found that “humble people didn’t downplay their accomplishments or characteristics; they simply didn’t think they should be treated special because of them.”

How to Increase Your Humility

If you find yourself expressing more “competitive reflexes” than you’d like, or if you are successful in one area of your life, and therefore believe you are an expert in everything, here are some observations made by Frank Sonnenberg that you may find helpful.

Success is temporary. Success is a journey, not a destination. When you become successful, don’t rest on your laurels. As soon as you take your eye off the ball, you risk losing your edge.

Stop feeding your ego. Don’t isolate yourself from reality by building relationships with people who stroke your ego. Surrounding yourself with “yes people” is just like talking to yourself.

Compete against yourself. When you compete against others, it’s easy to emphasize winning over self-improvement. However, when you compete against yourself, you both win.

Even experts have room to learn. Never stop growing. Know your limitations and admit when you don’t know something. It’ll help to keep you grounded.

Listen up. Discover what others have to offer and ask for their opinions before opening your mouth. It shows that you value their opinions as well as their insight.

No one’s perfect. Don’t let success go to your head. Be quick to apologize for your mistakes. You’ll never learn anything or impress anyone by making excuses and diverting blame. To err is human. To admit that you erred is humility.

Share your success. You may be successful, but there’s a good chance that others helped you along the way. Find creative ways to share the credit and pull people up the ladder of success along with you.

Remember your roots. Remember where you came from and what you’ve learned along the way. Help others by mentoring them.

Get off your high horse. Treat everyone with dignity and respect. You may be successful, but that doesn’t make you better than anyone else.

Bragging is ugly. There’s a difference between excitement and bragging. We know you’re thrilled about your new “toy,” but others may be cutting back on their basic needs — be sensitive.

Trust me. Money and success can’t buy a person’s trust or guarantee a good reputation. You earn these through your words and actions. There’s nothing more valuable in life than integrity.

Conclusion

A humble person is not one who allows themselves to be pushed around. He or she is one who may distinguish, or strive to distinguish, themselves in a particular area based on their skills and talents.   However, they recognize that their exceptionality does not extend beyond their area of expertise.

To the extent we become humbler, we improve our relationships with others and advance our goals.

As John Wooden said, “Talent is God given. Be humble. Fame is man-given. Be grateful. Conceit is self-given. Be careful. ”So, what did I decide? Am I humble? I confess, I still have a little remodeling to do.

Relevant Scripture

Before a downfall the heart is haughty, but humility comes before honor. (Prov 18:12)

When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom. (Prov 11:2)

For those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted. (Matt 23:12)

For the Lord takes delight in his people; he crowns the humble with victory. (Psalm 149:4)