You love our children, but what was your first thought when you heard you were going to have one…or another? It may not fit into your life as you planned it; adjustments need be made; it may not be convenient. My friend, Rev. Dr. Timothy W. Ehrlich describes this struggle with God in his book The Long Road to Eternity, now available on Amazon. Here is that excerpt:
Anna waited to break the news until halftime of the Superbowl when the Giants, my favorite team, were winning. She hoped I would be in a good mood for what she knew I didn’t want to hear. “Tim,” she said, “I have something to tell you.” I took one look at her and somehow, I knew. I said, “You’re pregnant!” She said, “Yes, how did you know?” I didn’t know how I knew, but I did know that hearing that news made me angry; the football game was forgotten.
I was angry for several reasons: this was the third time Anna had gotten pregnant faster than I wanted. I had wanted to wait two full years after we were married to make our first child, but Anna got pregnant 5 months ahead of schedule; then I wanted to wait a full two years before she got pregnant a second time, but she got pregnant 9 months ahead of schedule. This time I had not wanted another child for a long time, if at all.
These were some reasons, but the main reason was that I was convinced we would have another boy. I dearly loved our boys, but it is a vast understatement to say that they were ‘very active’. They never stopped moving, and they were strong willed, which is a polite way of saying they were frequently a giant pain in the posterior.
So, I was really angry. I was angry at Anna, and at myself, because I had something to do with it; but mostly I was angry with God. I felt very strongly that this was His doing because we were using two kinds of birth control and this pregnancy had defeated them both. So, I got up, left the Super Bowl in the living room, and went into the spare bedroom of the house to pray.
I gave God an earful. I said, “God I am really upset, why did you do this to me? I only wanted to have two kids, and now I won’t be able to sleep past 6:30 for the next five years. Now I have to worry about college for three kids! I am so angry; I know you were behind this. It had to be you. Why did you do this to me?”
I continued to complain to God about the same things but in different order. Finally, after at least half an hour of pouring out the reasons for my anger and concern, I stopped. Knowing I should not be angry with God and remembering to accept whatever He had in store for me, I apologized to God, but was still hurt and upset. However, with acceptance my tone changed; instead of asking God, “Why did you do this?!” I reverted to trusting God and asked with genuine curiosity, “Why did you do this?”
As soon as my question was asked not with anger but with humility, I heard His clear deep voice speak clearly to answer me. He said, sounding slightly angry or impatient with me, “Because I wanted you know the joy of loving a little girl.” Instantly I went from hurt and upset to thankful and overjoyed. I said, “Wow, I’m going to have a daughter!” As funny as it sounds, it had not occurred to me that the baby could be a girl.
As soon as I heard that we were having a little girl my mood underwent the kind of miraculously rapid and thorough transformation that only a direct intervention from God can do for you. In an instant I went from angry to joy filled, and from unhappy to thrilled. I was caught up in the great good news that I was going to have a daughter, and in the amazing miracle of being spoken to by God again. The passing of time has not decreased my appreciation for the experience of being spoken to by God, and for the good news that he had chosen to bless my life by giving me a daughter. My daughter Hansie has been and continues to be a huge blessing in my life; and I thank God daily both for speaking to me and for the gift that Hansie has been and continues to be for me.
I did not realize it at the time, but God speaking to me was also equipping me to face a huge challenge in my life. As Anna’s pregnancy progressed, she developed preeclampsia, but her doctor somehow didn’t catch it. Anna delivered Hansie by caesarean and while we were still in the delivery room, as soon as the baby was born and before they stitched her up, Anna’s blood pressure began to shoot up until it hit 240. I was watching the monitor; the doctor was not. I said to the anesthetist – “Look her blood pressure is spiking!” He said, “The machine is broken.” I said, “No its not, I have been watching the monitor, it has gone up and up and up!” He gave Anna a shot of something and her blood pressure came down quickly.
A little over two hours later we were in her room, they brought in the baby for her to nurse, and Anna said, “I don’t feel good.” She started nursing anyway; it seemed to be going well. This was the third time we had been through this and a baby breastfeeding was not new to me, so I started reading the newspaper. Just two or three minutes later I heard something hitting the metal side railings of the bed; I looked up and saw that the noise was made by our baby. Anna had dropped the baby because she was having a grand mal seizure. Scooped up the baby, I quickly pressed the nurse call button about 10 times, and then put my finger in the back of Anna’s jaw to keep her from swallowing her tongue.
Putting my finger back there turned out not to be the right thing to do, both because there was a newer procedure, and because I had a nasty bite mark on my finger for about 2 weeks. Anyway, they called a code on her and the room filled with doctors and nurses. They took the baby from my arms and issued me out the door. Within a few minutes Anna stopped convulsing, but she was unconscious and she remained in a coma for three days. During that time, her kidneys and liver shut down.
At one point I asked the doctor if she would recover and he told me he didn’t know if she would pull through or not, but he said, “she is young and was very healthy before this so her chances of recovery are very good.” I guess if there is anything worse than hearing the doctor say your wife might die, it might be hearing this just after she has given birth. So, I was potentially a widower with three children under 5. But I was completely calm and at peace. The experience of having heard God speak to me so clearly just a few months before and knowing that God had sent me this daughter because he wanted to bless me made me trust in him completely. Whatever he had in store I was going to trust him. I prayed that God would heal Anna, and said that I was trusting in Him and putting Anna and everything going on with her in His hands.
Fortunately, after three days Anna’s kidneys and liver started working again. First the catheter that had not produced anything for three days suddenly came to life, and soon Anna came out of her coma and became oriented again. Anna quickly recovered from that point. I was so grateful that God blessed me with the wonderful experience of speaking to me which helped me so much in that terrible time. Our baby Hansie is living a wonderful life and we are so proud of her.
The theological lessons from this experience were:
- God desires to bless even his most imperfect servants if they are fully committed to giving their life to Him.
- Trust God especially when we don’t understand what He is doing.
How ironic that not only did I not trust where I did not understand, my first response was anger in the face of this huge blessing that God was giving to me. As I sat in the hospital room with my unconscious wife, whose prognosis was uncertain, I was completely at peace because God had spoken to me, and what a great gift it was.
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And God said to Abraham, “As for Sar′ai your wife, you shall not call her name Sar′ai, but Sarah shall be her name. I will bless her, and moreover I will give you a son by her; I will bless her, and she shall be a mother of nations; kings of peoples shall come from her.” Then Abraham fell on his face and laughed, and said to himself, “Shall a child be born to a man who is a hundred years old? Shall Sarah, who is ninety years old, bear a child?” And Abraham said to God, “O that Ish′mael might live in thy sight!” God said, “No, but Sarah your wife shall bear you a son, and you shall call his name Isaac. I will establish my covenant with him as an everlasting covenant for his descendants after him. As for Ish′mael, I have heard you; behold, I will bless him and make him fruitful and multiply him exceedingly; he shall be the father of twelve princes, and I will make him a great nation. But I will establish my covenant with Isaac, whom Sarah shall bear to you at this season next year.” (Gen 17: 15-21)
In the days of Herod, king of Judea, there was a priest named Zechari′ah,[b] of the division of Abi′jah; and he had a wife of the daughters of Aaron, and her name was Elizabeth. And they were both righteous before God, walking in all the commandments and ordinances of the Lord blameless. But they had no child, because Elizabeth was barren, and both were advanced in years.
Now while he was serving as priest before God when his division was on duty, according to the custom of the priesthood, it fell to him by lot to enter the temple of the Lord and burn incense. And the whole multitude of the people were praying outside at the hour of incense. And there appeared to him an angel of the Lord standing on the right side of the altar of incense. And Zechari′ah was troubled when he saw him, and fear fell upon him. But the angel said to him, “Do not be afraid, Zechari′ah, for your prayer is heard, and your wife Elizabeth will bear you a son, and you shall call his name John….
And Zechari′ah said to the angel, “How shall I know this? For I am an old man, and my wife is advanced in years.” And the angel answered him, “I am Gabriel, who stand in the presence of God; and I was sent to speak to you, and to bring you this good news. And behold, you will be silent and unable to speak until the day that these things come to pass, because you did not believe my words, which will be fulfilled in their time.” (Luke 1:5-20)